While I was taking a shower just now I couldn't get the thought of the missing girl from IU out of my head. Growing up in Bloomington it hits close to home, especially after the disappearance and murder of Jill Behrman 11 years ago. As a mother I can not imagine my daughter going missing and not having a clue of what happened to her. It has been a week since Lauren went missing from Bloomington. It hurts my heart and I wish I was still in Bloomington to help the search parties to find her. I pray that I never have to go through what these parents are going through right now. Raegan is my best friend and my world. If anything happened to her my life would be over.
Before having a child, I always heard parents say, its a love like you have never felt before. I thought that was hard to imagine loving someone more than my husband. He is my best friend and means the world to me. He makes me so happy and laugh every day. How could I possibly love someone more than him? Well I found out that answer on July 30, 2009. It's easy.
I spend all day, every day with Raegan. She is the funnest and smartest little girl I've ever met. She amazes me everyday and I am so thankful for Ryan and all he does for our family that allows me to stay at home with her. Ryan works so hard and always says he wishes he could be a stay at home dad, especially as I send him pictures of her being so cute through out the day, or a video of something new she learned that day. He misses her but works so hard to provide an amazing life for us. Today, I asked Bug what she wanted for lunch. Her normal response is Mac n Cheese or Hot Dog. But today it was "Hambuga with cheese and pickles!" What? For real? One- how does she know what a hamburger is? She hates meat. And two- She wants cheese and pickles on it? When did she learn this? I was hesitant to make it for her, well because I would have to grill it but also because I didn't think she would eat it. And then I would have to make her Mac n Cheese or a hot dog. She ate every single bite. Pickles first, then the meat dipped in ketchup and then the bun. It was great. I was so happy.
Total sidetrack there.... back to my random thoughts of the day.
So yes Ryan is the best. I am so thankful for him and that he chose me, gave me my beautiful, perfect daughter and allows me to stay home. Why did he choose me? He had his pick of ladies in college thats for sure. Being best friends for 2+ years before we started dating I saw the jersey chasers come and go. How did he pick me over the bathing suit model or the colts cheerleader? The only reason I can think of is that I was the only girl that could beat him in corn hole and beer pong and that is the way to his heart! And that is why I am getting a set of cornhole boards custom made for his birthday! I can't wait until they are done! They will be one of a kind! So excited!
Raegan starts a Mothers Day out program this fall. I am excited and sad at the same time. I am excited for a couple hours of "me" time every Tuesday morning. I am also excited for her to be around other kids in a more formal setting and without me, it will be good for her. But I am so sad that she will be without me. She has never done anything without me. I have always been there for one of her first. I've never missed a thing. I was there the first time she rolled over, the first time she crawled, pulled up, first word, first step, first tooth. I get to be the one to teach her colors and sing the alphabet with her everyday. Now I wont be there as she starts "school." I wont be there when she learns something new. I wont be there to watch her socialize and make new friends. She will be the youngest kid in her class. They have to be 2 by July 31 to start in the program. She turns 2 July 30. She is the youngest kid in her Gymboree class too, but thankfully she is one of the biggest (thank you Ryan for her height!) and most advance. She is the little leader and show off. She can hold her own, she will be just fine being the youngest, but I wont be there to hold her hand. When she calls for mommy I wont be there. I can not imagine how Lauren's mother feels not knowing the unknown of her daughter the night she disappeared. That has got the be the absolute worst feeling in the world as a parent.
So moral of my ramble is... I love my family. I am so thankful for it and I want to put my child in a bubble so nothing bad will ever happen to her!
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